Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
