Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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