i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize