He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
