I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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