I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
