it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
pray to the hookup gods
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
