i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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