i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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