oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
