Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
