my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
