You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
