pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
