I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
