Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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