I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just google imaged poop.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
