yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just googled if crying burns calories
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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