Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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