In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
