The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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