I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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