We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
