And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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