Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
