I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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