Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
