I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
