TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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