i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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