those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
