I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
