I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
