Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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