maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
