There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
