Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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