Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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