he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
