508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
