Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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