Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
