what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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