you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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