Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
