it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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