I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
