He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
