the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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