just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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