I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
