He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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