she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize