His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
