ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
