This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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