I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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