I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mom said you looked used
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
