Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think my mom watched the whole time
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
