i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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