i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
