Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
