So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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